Live Blogging The Dallas Cowboys vs. The New York Giants

In a bid to make my football time more productive, I decided to take notes on the Sunday night Dallas versus New York football game! This showdown marks the first contest in Jerry World, the Cowboys' new Billion dollar stadium. This is also the first time I've attempted to make fun of a whole, entire football game. But what the hell, with enough beer, anything is possible.

When I flip over to NBC, Bob Costas is interviewing Jerry "My Face Is On Really Tight" Jones. Jones says "I thought I had danced with the devil when I bought the Dallas Cowboys." Finally, something Jerry Jones and Cowboys fans can agree on.

Dallas might have the largest crowd in history, up to 111,000 people!

The Cowboys' new stadium looks like it just finished blowing up the White House. It is a football from outer space. And there's a massive HD screen hanging right over the field. It's 160' x 71'. To put that in perspective, a movie screen at a theater is 45' x 35'. And this sucker is HD and hanging 90 feet directly above the field. Punters can hit it if they try hard. It isn't supposed to fall down and squash everybody below, but that doesn't mean it won't!

The things couples do in Cialis commercials that are supposed to be sexually suggestive are pretty random. Like the couple washing the dog with a hose, then falling on the ground and laughing about it. Then the guy sleeping on the couch and telling his wife not to bother him. Heh, you don't need pills to do that. What, is he charging it?

Back to the Cowboys game and Bob is interviewing Jerry about collective bargaining. How much time does it take light to reach the furthest reaches of that stadium? And what is beyond a nosebleed seat? Total Recall Martian Atmosphere seats? Mind blowing and eye popping!

"Let's get busy turning our doing dials up a notch." Home Depot, curing ED since the 80s.

We flip over to the studio where Tony Dungy talks earnestly about who needs to do what to win the ballgame. But I don't hear a word he says, because I'm trying to figure out what he looks like. Bat Boy's dad. A giant wet cat. Black Nosferatu. Football Ghandi.

And now for an NBC inspired screensaver just to add a little bit more anticipation to this highly anticipated football game. Wow, the screen is black, and there's a little NBC icon dancing around. One Minute…three minutes…Move the mouse, assholes! Somebody hit a key, any key! Aaaand this terrifying piece of airtime is brought to you by the color black.

Phew, we're back to commercial. NFL Red Zone, where you only see touchdowns, and thus, never the Cleveland Browns offense.

And now they're going through the wonders of the world only to stop at Cowboys Stadium. Al Michaels says this is what the Coliseum was to the first century. Both fed a lot of Christians, just in very different ways.

Why do the Cowboys have to open this awesome new house by inviting the Giants? Couldn't they have begun with the Lions? Even a team of actual Lions wouldn't have come into this game any hungrier.

Aaand Jordan Sparks' microphone either doesn't work, or the stadium is just so huge that sound doesn't travel across it.

Rudy Guiliani…if one New Yorker dies tonight, let it be Eli Manning. But if two die, make Rudy the second one. Would it be possible for the screen to fall and kill everyone? I hope I don't ask this question again tonight.

Wow, 111,000 12th men, women, and Texans. Demarcus Ware's head looks so clean. George W. Bush tosses the coin and the Cowboys get the ball. That deal with the devil went okay, maybe that's a great sign. You know God is a cowboys fan, maybe Satan is too!

Jones out to the 24 yard line. And now 22 men out of 111,000 play football. Wonder what else is going on in that stadium right now?

Swing pass to Barber picks up three. That looked okay! Nothing to make the screen fall down and kill everyone. Hey, five yard pickup!

Chris Collinsworth and Al Michaels wonder if Romo will ever win a Super Bowl. Well that only took one minute. Meanwhile, Barber runs for another three or four while NBC runs through the hated Giants' defense.

3rd and 2. Barber in motion. Romo has an hour, misfires. He could have just run for it. Collinsworth says this was not a good start. Neither was the thirty yard punt return that followed it.

Illegal block on the Giants, ten yard penalty brings it waaaaay back. The screen smiles down on the Giants' plight smugly. Ware gets slapped in the face by his own teammate, Olshanski, between plays. Pay it forward guys!

Manning escapes a near sack, cuts loose a 32 yard completion to Steve Smith. The humongous screen hanging over the stadium frowns.

Manning with a 13 yard completion. Both completions in Terrance Newman's face. Terrance Newman's face is supposed to be great at football.

Collinsworth says Manning never seems uncomfortable anymore, and yet he also seems like the single most awkward, mouth breathingest player in football history.

2nd and 6 on the Dallas 35. The Giants' back is tackled in the backfield for a five yard loss by Jay Ratliff! Ow!

3rd and 11. Manning in shotgun. No pressure, 26 yard completion to Dallas 15.

1 and 10 Orlando Scandrick breaks up a big pass to about the 3.

2 and 10 and Jacobs picks up a couple.

3rd and 9 and Manning has been decapitated!!!!! Darn, didn't happen. I wrote that preemptively but Jenkins broke up the pass. Phew!

New York christens the Cowboys stadium with a field goal.

3 - 0 Giants over Cowboys.

The huge screen sits silently over the action.

Felix Jones returns the kickoff to the 37 yard line. And now John Madden is sitting next to George W. Bush! Wow, those will be some riveting conversations!

Madden: I think the Cowboys need to score either a touchdown or a field goal.

Bush: I'd go for the safety.

1 and 10 - Felix Jones rushes to the strong side for four.

Al Michaels tells us "The man who is really under the gun…" the camera switches quickly to Wade Phillips "…is Roy Williams." Ha, nice head fake, Michaels!

Witten catches a short completion for a couple, 3rd and 3. Tashard Choice moves in motion, makes a short catch and appears to have Dallas' first first down in their fancy new digs!

Marion Barber looks like Knuckles the echidna. Witten makes an 8 yard reception; he's so big he looks like he's in slow motion, like a whale out there.

2nd and 2. Barber gets dragged down by Kiwanuka for no gain. Barber sucks. He's worthless. Fire him. Cut his hair, maybe that's the problem.

Handoff on 3rd and 3 - Tashard converts on a hard, grinding run! That's more like it!

1st and 10 - Barber busts a huge run!!! Barber is the man! I'm going to grow my hair out like his! What a barbarian! I don't even mind the fumble at the end that went out of bounds.

1st and 10 from the 13… Romo fires to Martellus Bennett who fights through two defenders down to the two yard line! The colossal screen smiles on this! It wants no one to die. Yet.

Handoff to Barber who cuts straight into the end zone!!!!! Woooooooohoooooo! YES.

7 - 3 Cowboys over the Giants. And Eli Manning is decapitated in a freak camera accident!.......(I'm just going to leave this ellipse open until the end of the game when I'm sure it didn't happen).

These Bud Light Too Light Too Heavy commercials are generally good, although the guy jumping through the taxi window was kinda boring. He should have stolen the taxi, then run over a bunch of pedestrians before getting shot by the police. Now that would have been Too Heavy.

Oh look, the Giants field a kickoff and we're right back to the Diesel commercial with the rolling cans (and no people rolled over by the cans). Diesel…

Hmm, babies trading stocks. I like those babies. No jokes here, just biting insight.

Jay Leno, new time, same chin.

Giants 1st and 10 on their own 25. Allllmost intercepted by Anthony Spencer. Good start!

2nd and 10 - Brandon Jacobs kills everyone for a gain of about 3.

Madden: They need to either run or pass it here.

Bush: You're double right!

3 and 8 - Shotgun for manning. Wow, tons of pressure, ball goes nowhere. But his head has not yet come off. We won the battle, but the war goes on.

High punt almost reaches the bottom of the huge screen, which has a bizarre effect, it's almost like the punt is leaving my TV screen and threatening to travel to a different one.

Sears commercial poking fun at Favre for agonizing over decisions. Like Favre, that commercial was funny the first time, horrible the fifth.

1st and 10 - Romo pass tipped high into the air, yikes. Romo only had 3 passes tipped all of last year.

2nd and 10 - Completely broken play to Roy Williams.

3rd and 10 - Pass intercepted. UGH Touchdown. Romo had more than three of those last season.

"Romo makes a horrible throw." Chris Collinsworth isn't always surprising, but the guy is always right.

On the kickoff return, Felix Jones fumbles the ball right into the Giants' hands at about the 25 yard line. The screen is too shocked to kill everyone at this point. It's checking itself to see if that really just happened.

1st and 10 New York - Manning looking smug. Brandon Jacobs jogs for seven yards.

2nd and 4 - Dallas 23. Manning calls timeout. I was concerned before this game that I wouldn't be able to make football funny. Now I'm concerned that I won't find anything funny for the rest of the week.

Girlfriend gets home from workout and asks how it's goin'. I type furiously in response.

3rd and 4 - completion to the 5 yard line, Steve Smith. No pressure on Manning.

1st and Goal - Jacobs goes nowhere. 111,000 people sip their Bud Light in silence.

"Cialis: Seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting four hours." Or just turn on the Giants - Cowboys game. Flaccid penis.

2nd and goal - Pitch to Bradshaw loses 6! Wow, that was like crowd surfing upside down, he just got trampled!

3rd and goal - Mike Jenkins completely blows Smith up after reception in the flat.

And now for another Giants field goal. The screen is glad that it didn't swing down and kill people when it wanted to just a minute ago.

The field goal is "good," Giants lead 13 - 7.

Black and white commercial, Adrian Peterson rushes for 10 minutes to score a touchdown. Goes to the locker room. Takes off his pads, and his skin has a grid on it. This is all to say that Peterson wears very, very tight equipment. And has been shooting crocodile testosterone.

Graphic measures the height of the Empire State Building against the new Dallas Stadium. And the Empire State Building is just a bit taller than Dallas Stadium is long. That doesn't bode well…

Felix Jones takes the kickoff to the 27.

Draw play to Barber picks up 8! More Barber, he's great! He should get the ball on every play.

Bush: Mission accomplished!

Madden: *Eating* *Nods*

Offsides Giants - here comes 1st and 5.

Fiance wonders if the referee who called the offsides is the only black ref, or if he shares his mustache with several other black refs. I don't tell her that George Bush was probably just wondering the same thing.

2nd and 5 - Romo from shotgun pass across the middle to Miles Austin under pressure. Horsecoller tackle will add 15 to a great reception. Oh, major facemask! That's good, too.

Ha! Reverse to Crayton, Romo throws an incredibly worthless block. Crayton is going to need a spatula to pick himself up off the turf after what is clearly a late hit out of bounds. He ran that reverse better than I've ever seen him run it, and took a shot to the back of the head at about the three yard line. I hate to say it, but if one of our players can die, it's Crayton.

I want to see someone grab the money you could be saving with Geico, rip its eyes off, and stuff it in their pocket.

1st and goal from the 3, I hear Romo yell Kill kill kill! I like that call, but I don't love Barber getting stopped at the 1.

2nd and goal from the 1 - 3 tight end set for the Cowboys. Giants call timeout.

LL Cool J talking about watching the Charges, and you missed it, because you were getting your chest waxed! Wait no, you missed it, because you were in the midst of a flourishing career! No, that can't be it.

On 2nd and Goal Barber attempts to leap for the TD but is stuffed. Barber clearly made it, but no challenge. Romo throws to Witten for the TD!! Woohoo, the screen bounces happily! 111,000 people take a big gulp of bad beer and breath sighs of relief. I compliment my fiancé.

Wonder how Crayton's neck/head injury is doing?

Game time costs less at Walmart. The US economy ladies and gentlemen!

"Here's a new job for you, he's dead, turn off all the machines." That show is called "Mercy." What a nasty irony!

Sonorous Moss (is that a hippy name?) runs the ball back to about the 27 as Come Together plays. Short run for a few yards. Wow, David Diehl looks like the world's biggest librarian.

2nd and 6 - Pass to the flat picks up a bunch after Scandrick whiffs on an open field tackle.

1st and 10 - Manning under tons of pressure completes another 1st down pass to Manningham.

1st and 10 again - Manningham breaks one tackle, but Ware gets him in the back field.

2nd and 12 - Bradshaw gets sandwiched after picking up about 7.

Collinsworth points out that Chris Snee makes a good play on the Bradshaw run. Sneeeeeeeee.

3rd and 5 - Manning overthrows his receiver with tight double coverage. Feagles to punt.

Michaels points out that this has zero chance of hitting the board. Uuugh, the Giants deflect Feagles' incredible punt out of bound at the 1.

And now, a commercial with little girls, bunnies and kittens. Why aren't there more of those? Instead of this retarded commercial from GE where there's only one wrench to go around in their giant conglomerate.

Cowboys 1st and 10 on their own 4. Bennett in motion. Play action pass broken up to Witten.

Collinsworth points out that Giants and Cowboys are trading field goals for touchdowns while Felix Jones runs for nothing on 2nd down.

3rd and 10 deep in their own territory - the screen holds its breath. No one sips beer. Draw play to choice looks like it has a chance to go for the first down, but Choice is tripped by his shoestrings for the 4th and 7.

McBriar's punt sails just beneath the jumbotron, and the Giants have the ball at their own 40.

Brandon Jacobs' highlight reel looks like Brock Lesnar's - it's him killing people.

1st and 10 - Jacobs is wrapped up for a one yard loss. Collinsworth points out that Dallas got gouged last week by Tampa's rushing attack. And yet the Boys have done well against the Giants, a superior running team.

2nd and 11 - Giants pick up the blitz, and Steve Smith catches a pass out to the 47.

3rd and…6 - Madden - That was both bad and good.

Bush: Holy cow, look at that screen! I just noticed it!

Incomplete across the middle, fourth down Giants!

"Here's something you never saw coming:" More Law and Order!

Crayton fields the punt at about the 12 yard line. Oh, he's alive!

Emmitt, Irvin and Aikman chatting on the sidelines. Maybe Aikman should run down the sideline and scream at people to show what a leader he is. Romo completes 30 yard reception to Crayton, flag down.

Justin Tuck is down and looks hurt! This game gets better all the time. Aw crap, Flozelle Adams called for tripping. What a girly name, Flozelle. 29 penalties since 2007, Adams is the most penalized player in the NFL in the last two years.

1st and 16 - Dallas on their own 6. 1:38 remains in the half. Romo complete to Roy Williams who breaks a Corey Webster tackle and sprints for a first down. Roy Williams is amazing! What a great player. I take back everything bad I said about him.

1st and 10 - Romo in the gun. Fires high over Crayton, incomplete.

Justin Tuck is still on the sideline. That trip by Adams was awesome. I shall name all of my sons Flozelle, and all of my daughters, too.

2nd and 10 - Romo quick pass looks like its been intercepted…kicked off Witten's foot right into Phillips' hands. Touchdown Giants?

Good thing we've got this humongous screen so everyone can clearly see that it's a Giants' interception. The screen should kill itself, now.

Bush: That guy's foot is terrible at catching!

Madden: If Romo had thrown a good pass, it wouldn't have been a bad play.

New York gets the ball on the 28 yard line since the play was blown dead. 75,000 people head to the snack stands for another beer.

1st and 10 - completion to Manningham for a few.

2nd and 4 - I'm numb. I bet the Cowboys D is shocked. Ball is tipped 20 feet into the air and everyone just watches it rise and fall. The D can't even believe it's on the field. They feel as confused as Bush and Madden.

3rd and 4 - Here comes Jacobs. No, Manning passes to Mannigham, who juggles the ball in the end zone after he gets away from Terrance Newman and comes up with the TD.

Someone give the screen a beer; it's had to replay some horrible things tonight.

That's Manning's 100th career TD. How nice for him.

Miles Austin bumbles and stumbles to about the…Dallas 40, and there are 40 seconds left in the half.

1st and 10 - Witten makes 8 yard catch and can't get out of bounds. The New York tackle was as slow as watching a lion try to take down a full grown water buffalo.

2nd and 2, 31 seconds left on their own 41 or so. Romo from shotgun. Pass is deflected as Romo throws, falls dead. 26 seconds to go.

Barber runs for the 1st down, Cowboys take quick timeout. 18 seconds left on Cowboys 45.

The inside of the scoreboard is huge. Great place for a James Bond shootout. Maybe someday a villain will fall out of the screen and onto the field.

Romo complete to Barber who picks up at least 20. Cowboys in field goal range with 13 seconds. Romo did a great job of sliding up in the pocket and dunking the ball off to his running back.

1st and 10 - Williams juggles the ball off his helmet in the end zone. What a fitting symbol for the end of this circus of misfortune we call the first half of the Giants Cowboys game.

The field goal is good, 20 - 17 Giants over the Cowboys.

Bush - Are we winning?

Madden - You're not losing!

And that's the end of the first half!

Bob Costas' interview with Madden is creepy. Madden's lips are oddly colorless. And yet, his point about Brett Favre is awesome! He says Brett should do what he wants, and a lot of people seem to take authorship of his life. Damn Madden, when you make points, points are made! That was a verbal touchdown. Maybe I've been writing his conversations with George Bush all wrong.

Jack in the Box - A good alternative to stealing food off abandoned hotel room service trays. I agree with that.

And now the beginning of the third quarter. The Cowboys kickoff to the Giants.

Fielded at about the three, and returned to the 17.

Andrea Kremer says the Giants had only 12 rushing yards in the first half. Justin Tuck is getting x-rays on his injured shoulder! Wow, what great news.

1st and 10 - Brandon Jacobs is stopped at the line of scrimmage, but there's no one around to make the actual tackle, so he grabs an extra 8 yards.

2nd and 1 - Wow! A Cowboy had a hand on Jacobs, then another Cowboy came and blasted his own guy. Ugh, huge run. Newman was the idiot who whiffed on Jacobs and blasted his own guy, and wound up hurting himself on the play. What irony - he intentionally mis-tackles Jacobs, and bashes himself in the midsection. Terrance Newman has had an awful game so far.

1st and 10 on Dallas' 38. The Giants have picked up 40 yards on two rushes. Horrible missed tackle in the flat leads to another ten yard gain. Scandrick on the whiff.

1st and 10 - Bradshaw tears through the defense for 19, down to the Dallas 19.

1st and 10 again. Bradshaw somehow turns nothing into 3.

2nd and 7 - Incomplete to the fullback, who got blown up as soon as the ball arrived by Keith Brooking. Collinsworth says the Dallas backs ran into each other and everyone on the field was wide open, but Manning didn't see it. Bullet dodged!

3rd and 7 - ALLLLmost intercepted. Not much pressure on Manning, he just threw it to a Cowboy for some reason. Surprised the defender as much as anyone else.

And then New York misses a short field goal! Welcome to the misfortune bowl, bitches! Don't let the screen hit you on your way out!

And now a Re-vent Horizon commercial…Pandorum. In space, no one can hear you check your watch.

Huge fat couple in Cowboys gear, one lady holding a sign that says she loves the new stadium, while the guy next to her dances with a two foot tall bobblehead doll. There is a couple like that in every crowd of 111,000.

Meanwhile, Felix Jones somehow dashes for like 20!

1st and 10 draw to Felix Jones for about 3.

Jerry Jones has a stilted conversation with a fan in front of him while awkwardly looking at the camera every two seconds.

2nd and 8 - I was too busy reliving Jones' awkward conversation to see what happened.

3rd and 8 - Romo in the gun. Pass to the flat to Crayton, who takes it for about two.

Cowboys punt - Fair caught at the 5! Nice. 9:15 left in the third quarter.

Anti-smoking commercials shouldn't be aired during NFL broadcasts. They can't compete with the ups and downs of an NFL game, both of which make hardcore fans crave a cigarette.

1st and 10 from the 5, Newman manages to tackle Brandon Jacobs instead of himself.

2nd and 8 - Manning form the I. Eli is under pressure and misses a throw to Madison Hedgecock (also a very girly name, Madison).

3rd and 8 - The crowd is going crazy, the screen is swinging, and the Giants take a timeout.

Unlike anti-smoking ads, cheap beer ads only make sense during NFl broadcasts. Although it's incredible, I would easily pay 9 bucks for a Bud Light at a Cowboys game. But I wouldn't pay 75 cents for one at Albertsons.

Bush: That's an oxymoron!

Madden: You can't get drunk, if you don't drink.

Damn right, Madden. What's in the fridge…Ah, A Corona Light! Is it me, or is Corona Light the only truly acceptable light beer?

3rd and 8 - Manning blasted as he throws, pass sails out of bounds. Flag at the 12 yard line. Defensive holding?! Damn you Bobby Carpenter!! You have an NFL player's name, but you play like your name should be Madison Hedgecock. His father played for the Giants, says Michaels. Did he really?

1st and 10 - Manning unleashes and a super late flag is thrown on Terrance Newman. Ugh. From bad to worse! Great, spot of the foul. 30 yard incompletion.

Speaking of jerk names, Terrance.

1st and 10 - And now Jacobs runs for 5.

I don't even want to watch the rest of this drive. The screen and I both wish we could close our eyes. But Jacobs goes nowhere!

3rd and 5 - Oh!!!! Big tackle from Newman on Manningham. Newman is going berserk on the sideline.

Feagles punt is nowhere near the big screen. It's still 20 - 17, Giants.

And now for a weird Prius commercial where the landscape is made of people. If only the road were made of people, that would be a crazy commercial.

1st and 10 - Romo has an hour, misses an easy dump off.

2nd and 10 - Felix Jones sprints for 56 yards all the way down the field! Awesome cutback! Finally gets chased down by the safeties.

1st and 10 on the 27 - Barber turns the corner, stiff arms a Giant, and rumbles to the 17!

1st and More 10!! - Romo handoff to Barber who careens through the Giants defense like his eyes are closed and finally winds up out of bounds at the 3.

1st and goal - Barber goes nowhere.

2nd and goal - Chris Collinsworth points out that it's been a wild game. No kidding *pulls heavily from Corona Light*

Romo in gun - Fakes the draw to barber. Collinsworth says Romo "throws that one like a Nolan Ryan fastball" past his receiver. Incomplete.

3rd and goal - Romo on the draw runs for the TD! 111,000 people cheer! The screen beams! Jerry Jones' face stretches into a smile!

24-20 Cowboys!

Bush - The thrower was the runner on that one!

Madden - If you can't beat 'em, you lose!

And now for a glimpse at the Cowboys' Cheerleaders locker room? They get a locker room? Collinsworth says the girls are great ambassadors for the game.

David Buehler blasts a kick out of the back of the end zone.

1st and 10 from the 20 - Bradshaw gets blasted by Igor Olshansky who has a great football name, and an awesome football mullet!

2ns and 10 - Manning miraculously avoids a sack, gets free, and then misfires to a wide open Steve Smith. Bullet misfired.

3rd and 10 - Bradshaw breaks a tackle at the line, but doesn't make it to the first down marker. Puntin' time!

The screen is giddy at the thought! Hit me and I may hit you back! Feagles' kick looks like it tickles the side of the screen, but it went off the side of his foot to the Dallas 43. Terrible punt! Dallas can put it away on this drive!

1st and 10 Dallas - Romo play action, completely dodges a blitzer and gets the ball to Sam Hurd, who gets slammed after a gain of 7.

2nd and 2 - Barber leaps into a pile of people and completely disappears. The ball is spotted right on the 1st down marker.

1st and 10 - Fiance tells me she just bought four different types of cheese and beer. I shed a single tear.

Romo steps back and throws a deep ball…straight to the New York safety. Intercepted. Collinsworth is flabbergasted. "Kenny Phillips did everything but fair catch that one."

Giants 1st and 10 at their own 27 - Manning shows Romo how it's done, throwing a 40 bomb to Manningham.

Three interceptions for Romo. Maybe the screen can swing down and kill only him. If that happened, and the camera were on Romo, his annihilation would be broadcast in HD on the instrument of his destruction. That's the kind of thing that seems like a positive thought after your quarterback has thrown three picks.

1st and 10 - 2 yar drun

2nd and 8 at the Dallas 24 - Jacobs is tripped from behind by Ware. Our poor defense! They've been clobbering people!

3rd and 8 - The Giants deserve to score something here. And Eli has an hour, completes a pass to a wide open Steve Smith who dives into the end zone for a TD.

27 - 24 Giants. I'm at the point where I don't even want my team to win. How is that possible? And can the Cowboys feel the same way? Is it possible for Romo to lead us back? His whole role has been asshole. If he were going to redeem himself and come back and win the game for us, then why did he bother throwing ALL those picks in the first place? The way this game is going, the screen will swing down and kill everyone BUT Romo after he throws another pick-six.

The Cowboys have squads of cage dancers in the standing room only areas of their stadium. So we have that going for us.

Felix Jones fields the kick off, makes it to about the 18.

1st and 10 - Toss back to Jones picks up a few.

Collinsworth points out how awful Romo has been. Stop being so right, Chris. Tell me lies!

2nd and 7 - Romo hit as he throws, ball dives into the turf.

3rd and 7 - Romo in the gun with two backs. Romo throws into double coverage, ball bounces off Crayton's hands.

Cowboys punt. By now, everyone in the stadium is feeling the first stages of a hangover. The Cowboys just squandered a crucial chance at a comeback. And now, by rights, the Giants should drive down the field and score at least a field goal.

Bush: I'm bored.

Madden: Zzzzzzzzzzzz

"What if you finally got pregnant, and the doctor told you the baby was someone else's?" Can that happen with quarterbacks? I'm looking at you, Romo.

1st and 10 - Bradshaw loses a yard.

2nd and 11 on their own 40 - Manning has no pressure, throws a perfect ball to Manningham for 25 yards.

1st and 10 on Dallas 35 - Bradshaw picks up ten on the ground after two cowboys completely whiff on tackles. Scandrick tackled air, again.

Couldn't see two plays through my facepalm.

3rd and 7 - Dallas 20, Pressure on Manning, he manages to get away from the blitzers, completes a pass to Steve Smith, but it's 3 or 4 short of the first down. Giants send in the field goal team. I'm not making jokes by the way because THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

The field goal is good, Giants up 30 - 24.

Felix Jones fields the Giants' bouncing kickoff and brings it to the 30. Romo, 114 yards, 1 TD and 3 picks.

1st and 10 - Barber dashes through a hole for 12! That's the key, just hand the ball off! Don't let Romo kill us! Deon "Cricket" Anderson had an awesome block.

Garrett agrees with me on 1st and 10: Handoff to Barber goes for one or two.

2nd and 8 - Romo pass sails out of bounds.

3rd and 8 - Romo from the gun. Pass complete to Witten to the 45! Thank god that still works.

1st and 10 - Romo form gun. Hands off to Barber on a draw for 4.

2nd and 6 - Barber gashes through the defense, gets to the second level, looks like he's going to make the end zone and then seems to hurt his leg and falls. Looks like he pulls his quad.

1st and 10 - Felix Jones finishes the job with an easy scamper and scores a Touchdown. Romo looks properly dejected. Kyle Kosier completely demolished a defender to set up the TD run.

31- 30 Cowboys.

And Dallas has a 1 point lead with 3:30 to go in the game. The defense has been the best part of the team, but the Cowboys rarely have the killer instinct to put an opponent away at this stage of a game. The Giants will score at least a field goal. Or, they'll score a quick touchdown. But I don't think they'll make a long drive for a TD. This is also a time to watch Dallas' kickoff coverage. Will they give up a 50 yard return? Last season they would have. I'm far too geeked out on this game now to write anything entertaining.

The kickoff is returned to about the 25, so at least I was wrong about that!

The Cowboys have rushed for 173 yards….in the 2nd half! 251 rushing yards for the game so far. Wow.

1st and 10, Dal 25, 3:34 - Manning from gun. TE screen picks up several yards, but there's a flag at the 23! Is it possible, could something go right for the Cowboys? Hol…Hoooollll……..Two fouls both on the offense! HOLDING is accepted!

1st and 20! Manning completes a pass to Bradshaw for about 2 yards. Ratliff makes the tackle.

2nd and 18: Manning gets away from pressure and completes at least a 15 yard pass to Hagan.

3rd and 6 - 2:00 - Wow, this game is way more exciting than it has any right to be. It's basically the Cowboys whole team…versus Romo. I don't know how to feel anymore.

Bush: Are we going to win?

Madden: As long as you don't lose!

3rd and 6 - 2:00 on the New York 29 - Manning in the gun. No pressure, Manning completes an easy pass for about 10 to Steve Smith.

1st and 10 on the 40 - 1:35 - Manning completes a pass for about two yards and it's knocked loose. Incomplete.

2nd and 10 - 1:28 - Romo running down the sideline trying to excite his players. Dallas tries to blitz and Manning doesn't feel it at all. Completes 10 yard pass to Kevin Boss. Someone bind and gag Romo.

1st and 10 on Dallas 47 - Pass complete to the 41 to Smith.

2nd and 4 with 40 seconds: Manning sails a pass over Steve Smith.

3rd and 4 with 39 seconds: Drinking heavily. Ohgodohgodohgod…Cowboys take timeout.

Demarcus Ware puts the helmet back on his unnaturally sleek head. Has he done anything this game? Now would be a good time!

Manning from the gun - The pass is tipped at the line…into the hands of Mario Manningham. 33 yard line.

1st and 10 - Manning over the middle to Steve Smith for 10. 13 seconds.

1st and 10 - Handoff picks up a couple yards. Giants take timeout. 4 seconds left.

How long does it take 111,000 people to file out of a stadium? How many can make it out before the Giants hit this field goal?

The kick is good, but Phillips gets a time out in. It won't matter, but at least it sticks it to the Giants a little bit right before they stick it to us in our new stadium. Good on you, Wade.

And now for the real game winning field goal. Right down the middle, New York Giants 33, Dallas Cowboys 31.

The screen sighs. The people file out. And the new stadium era begins with a terrible performance by Tony Romo, and a game winning drive by Eli Manning.

Can we burn it down, now?